Am I enough?
One of the biggest barriers keeping my heart completely and utterly devoted to God is my tendency to compare. Since attending NC (Nebraska Christian College), it’s been easy to consider myself “the worst of sinners”. Though I know none of us are perfect, and we all struggle with different things, I usually consider my mistakes worse than the mistakes of my classmates. I tell myself, “I’m not as encouraging as they are. I don’t read my bible as much as they do. I’m not going to be as effective in ministry as they will be because I make mistakes.” Even though I know all these thoughts running through my mind are just lies that Satan has placed into my head, I often forget and allow them to alter my perspective of myself, and I fall into the corruption of comparison.
The both encouraging and disappointing thing is this: I know I’m not alone. Thousands of girls wake up every morning 4-5 hours before they go to school, work or town to plaster on make up, drown themselves in hairspray, and wear the tightest and shortest clothes because they compare themselves to what the world defines as the prettiest girls in school. Thousands of girls walk by the cafeteria everyday without picking up a plate of food because they think they are overweight and disgusting because that’s what our world tells them. Thousands of girls give themselves away to men who don’t care about them because they think they need to be loved and accepted by a man in order to feel loved. Thousands of girls go to bed every evening asking God to take them from this world of pain because the medicine they’ve been taking has only been making the pain worse. I know this because I was one of those girls. But listen to me when I say this: Boys are not exempt! Thousands of boys are addicted to porn. They seek sexual affection from girls to make them feel more like a man. They are caught up in video games because they’d rather be in a fantasy world than in this world. They want to fit in with the crowd around them so they start drinking young and become addicted to chew and start smoking cigarettes. Though our struggles may be different, we have one in common, and that is comparison.
We don’t think we’re enough because we’ve messed up. We don’t think worth anything because we’ve sinned, but if I’ve learned anything from my 6 months here at NC, I’ve learned that God is gracious. He is gracious with us because His love for us is so immense that it cannot be fathomed. The love He gives us doesn’t make sense; it cannot be comprehended because to the world this pursuing love doesn’t exist. Romans 8:35-39 says,
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
‘For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Today I still struggle with comparing myself to others girls, but what right do I have to question God’s love for me? What right do I have to question God’s forgiveness and authority? Depression will not separate us from the love of God. Addiction will not separate us from the love of God. My past, your mistakes, our regrets will not separate us from the love of God. You can run from Him, but He won’t stop loving you. You can turn your back, but He wont leave. Nothing will be able to separate you from His love. You don’t have to compare yourself to other girls or boys because you are a child of the King. You have a father who loves you. What more could you want? Once you grow to know and understand this love you will not longer feel empty but full. You will not depend on your make up, the internet, drugs, and men and women to make you feel like you are somebody. You won’t compare yourself to the best athletes, the skinniest girls or celebrities to make you feel like you are wanted. You will depend on God, and His love will be sufficient…
“…neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”